Feer

I found this note, was written by me sometime ago which i couldn't recall  when.

Here we go..

Feer, It's been 7 years now, from the first day I took you to kindergarten. Looking at you, crying.. making me hard to leave. But, your teacher convinced me that you will be ok. 2nd day at school, you already ok. You easily adapted with the environment. I can see your improvement.. You're getting clever every single day. How I missed the moment you start to read, reciting al-quran. 

Feer, having you as my first child was an honoured. You bring happiness and joy. 

You cheering me days and nights. You always my reason to be home early.. Only Allah knows my feelings. Looking at you everyday, giving me strength... a spirit to move on. 

Unfortunately, your eczema limit your activity. I'm sorry.. I can't do much. 

I can't feel what you're feeling, 

I know it's not comfortable, 

I know you're suffering.. 

Till this moment, I'm praying for your health. Feer, I'm sorry if I'm not a perfect mother for you. I'm a normal woman that sometimes can't handle my own feelings. I was angry when sometimes you don't understand what I wanted. 

Feer, you already a good son.. too good. Sorry for keep pushing you just to full fill my dreams. I don't blame you when you was crying not getting a good result. It's ok, no worries. I want you to keep being my good son, Muslim yang patuh. 

Tell me if I'm doing something that you don't like... 

Feer, I'm so sorry because now I can't be always with you. I'm praying for Allah giving us a chance to be together. 

I'm a mother, I want you.. my son with me always like we used to be. I miss the time you as an imam and I'm behind as your makmum. I miss the moment we both recite the Quran... Ya, Allah.. allow us to be always together. Amin. I'm sorry... I hope you fine always without me close. 

In my heart, you always near... I miss you everyday.. I love you feer.. love you so much. From, Mama...