feeling as a winner

Early in that morning, my very good friend called.

"how are you ? Are you ok?" Double questions in a row.

"never better than this"  I replied softly.

"good, good. that's my girl" she continued.  Giving me a morale support as always.

"yeah, feeling as a winner and so blessed" it's so true, in fact I've done a sujud syukur at least Allah didn't allow me to be with a wrong person. 

"I just feel wasted... for the time that we've spent together"  I continued.

She laughed.. I think the neighbour might hear her voice.

"at least u are now free to move, dahlah macam orang bodoh menunggu" she continue.

"hahahahhaa... yes I'm stupid" my turn to laugh. 

"kita party... yeah party" she's so happy.

"Don't say no, I wanted you to meet this person" she always wanted me to meet her friend... a man. This is not the first time but few times she has arranged a meeting between us, but I never want it. I always giving her reasons..

"dah la aku megantuk, sambung tido ah" purposely to avoid the idea.

"tulah kau... umur makin tua" angry voice piercing to my ears.

"getting old in style" I replied. My mind totally agree with her comment. Do I care.. ? My heart whispered to myself. 

"not all men are same you know" still trying to persuade me to join her plan.

"no lah" I replied. Actually I'm still frozen, i don't know but I couldn't think of someone else. I just feel relief,  I can't imagine if he and I were really happened. Betrayal!

"just come here I cook" I suggest. That's what I always do with her. She'll come and we eat, watching movies, membawang...

"sure. I'll come today for dinner...." no hesitation,  she just agreed.  We then ended the conversation.

Just as yesterday, watching the ceiling, the fan blades rotation are the most interesting things to do...

The clock needle moves...

I don't feel anything 

I don't have any feeling..

Empty 

Silent 

Azan Zohor slowly hit my ears..

I get-up and performing my solat plus solat sunat specially for my mind recovery.

Alhamdulillah I still have my sanity.

Upon completion, i don't know how long I just seated on the prayer mat,  blank...

Somehow my mind and my heart are not aligned, they seemed not very cooperate.

Ahh.. He's not the right person. A voice whispered to my ears..

"yes, he is not" I answered. 

I take this as Allah protection.. He know best on everything. I'll never let myself down. 

For the one that break my heart,  only 2 words.. "thank you"

Yes of course.. because it's a hint from Allah, I'll never beg to people. Only to Allah..

If in dunia we can't be together, I hope it wont be happening in Jannah too... I don't want to see him again in dunia or Jannah...

My tears burst,  not sure for which reason,  the emptiness of emotion or what..

I know Allah know everything and He is every where but, I still wanted to tell Him always..

Berkatilah..... berkatilah....

Terima kasih Ya Allah for everything...