Mak @ Mama @ Mom @ Mother @ Mommy @ etc... These name are you... !

'you'll regret when I was not here anymore'

'you'll know what is suffering when you become a mother'

'You'll know what bad and not once you have a kid to teach'

 

All those were my mom reminders to me. How the time flies.. I'm an old woman now… and my mom this year is 79 years old.

But, the smile still not faded.. my mom still beautiful in her own way.

 

I never thought what will I become in this age.. I agreed with all those reminders.

Raising a kid is not an easy thing.. how about some kids… mom can raise us by herself alone. But, we.. 5 siblings can't take care of her.

 

Mak, I'm sorry…

 

Mak now has changed. She's not my previous healthy and fit mother. She is frail, weak, elderly and sometimes loss her memories.. or sometimes cross memories.

 

When my father passed away, mak left alone in our house. My siblings were already having their own family while I was still single that time and pushed myself to frequently went home during weekends. Yes, I missed a lot of things just to comfort my lonely mother. Mak, I'm sorry when I spent too little time, it was just Saturday and Sunday. I know you're so lonely…

 

I'm sorry for my behavior too.. Sometimes I raised my voice whenever I don't agree with you.

Looking and watching you getting frail every single day was not a happy thing. Mak.. you started to forget a lot of things. Do you remember you always fetch me from school.. ? how I was mad at you when sometimes you're late. Mak.. I'm so sorry..

 

Mark, do you remember when you scold me when I secretly went to Kebun Pakya with Dekna, Norli, Abang Am and the rest. Only now I realized how you're worried when I always reminding Feer and Azim to tell me whenever they wanted to go.. I am always reminding them to stay close to me every time we got out.

 

Mak, do you remember with my first car white kancil wkt 6699, we went everywhere… and you invited everybody to come along, maksu and makanjung. We went shopping to KL, sogo… everywhere.. Seremban, Shah Alam to rumah Chik.. sometimes to Ampang rumah Yang. I was your official driver. You used to call me for any event as you need someone to drive.

 

Mak, I'm so sorry when sometimes you call me telling that nobody was calling you. Everybody seemed so busy and don't bother to call you.

 

Mak, I'm so sorry when sometimes you call me just to tell  me what was going on that day, about you, about kenduri you just went, about kampong. I was acting like I was listening to you, but wasn't paying attention.

 

Mak, do you remember, I used to send and fetch you from rumah kenduri whenever I was at kampung. You were so proud introducing me to your friends while I was not with my full heart giving my attention. I was keeping looking at time when to go home, the kenduri was so bored.. I was not a good child…. I know..

 

Mak, do you remember that you have run a tailoring shop ? do you remember that you're a good tailor ? do you remember that some of your customers becoming your friends. Mak, you have a lot of good friends…. But some of them have gone… al-fatihah…

 

Mak, if I wanted to put everything here… the time will never enough.. you are so special for me.. you are my angel that Allah sent..

 

Mom I'm so sorryyyyyyyyyy for not being a good kid of you…

But, I do always remember to pray for your kesihatan, rezeki dan segalanya… MAK, I LOVE YOU !